Tommy Rees pleads guilty: Some suggestions for his community service…

After being arrested as he fled a party in May, Tommy Rees was scheduled to appear in court on July 24th. However, on Monday (July 23rd), a suited-up Rees walked into a confused courtroom to make his plea a day early. He claims that his lawyer told him the wrong date, and we won’t dwell on it (didn’t it seem weird that his lawyer wasn’t there?)… just chalk it up as a classic Rees miscue.


In any case, Rees pleaded guilty to two charges (minor consumption and resisting arrest), both misdemeanors, and was sentenced to 330 days of probation and 50 hours of community service. He will also be forced to write an apologetic letter to the officer he kneed as he fled. However, we’re most interested in how Tommy Rees will serve his 50 hours of community service. SBPD may already have some ideas, but we nonetheless took the liberty of crafting a list of possible tasks for Mr. Rees:

  1. Standing guard at the Goog in case Gary Gray tries to pick up an application for a 5th year – he does have 1 year of eligibility left… *shudders*
  2. Help clean up the destruction at the old site of Club 23
  3. Watch his game film with Jon Gruden (it was painful for me the first time, I can’t imagine watching it with Gruden trashing you the whole time)
  4. Sober chauffeur for the rest of the football team (and personal DD for Michael Floyd when he’s in town)
  5. Moderate disputes at room picks for every girls dorm on campus.
  6. Star in the next commercial for Club Landing, South Bend’s premiere club for middle-aged women
  7. Live in Zahm
  8. Live in Carroll (Edit: suggestion retracted – even Tommy doesn’t deserve this. He’s not Jerry Sandusky)
  9. Be featured on SportsCenter defending Lou Holtz’s inevitable prediction of 12-0, national champs, against Mark May.
  10. RIDE THE BENCH. 12 games, ~3hrs each =36hrs. That means he can sit out every game this season and still have time left over. Please, Tommy. Please.

If you have any other ideas, feel free to comment – we’d love to hear them.


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