Conspiracy Theory: Notre Dame Athletic Dept. pays off EA Sports, Biletnikoff committee

It’s no secret that every year Notre Dame’s football team is, without fail, placed in the AP Preseason top 25, regardless of the prior season’s performance. Now, while I personally love being unconditionally ranked, Irish fans must admit that there’s something fishy going on. After a decade of being overrated, is it not entirely possible that money is changing hands under the table? (how else would Lou Holtz still be allowed on TV??). While obviously Notre Dame would never actually do this, it certainly would explain recent events.

My Notre Dame bribery theory gained steam a few weeks ago when a guy managed to sneak his video camera into a video game convention and film himself scrolling the team and player ratings for next year [full list found here]. Notre Dame was inexplicably given a 97 overall, tying us for 6th best with powerhouses Alabama, Georgia, and Oklahoma. What’s more, the Irish have 2 of the top 5 players in the game with Manti Te’o (98) at #1 and Tyler Eifert (97) tied at #4 with S. Carolina RB Marcus Lattimore. It feels good to know that even if we get stomped by USC in real life, we stand a chance in the video game. And it feels better knowing (perhaps) that another major sports organization is jumping on the ND money train.

Since then, I have only gotten more suspicious, as yesterday a committee announced the watch list for the 2012 Biletnikoff (best WR) award, with Notre Dame junior T.J. Jones as one of the 50 names. T.J. Jones? Coming in at a scrawny 5’11”, 190 lbs, Jones hauled in a mere 38 catches for 3 touchdowns and slightly over 300 yards in his second year as a starter. Disclaimer: I actually think Jones is a solid receiver, and we’re going to need him after the departure of Michael Floyd – If Jones is actually in contention for the Biletnikoff this year, I will be over the moon. Nonetheless, I’m not getting my hopes up. I assume that when Swarbrick gave the committee their bonuses, they figured, “Well we’ve got to have an ND player on here…[closes eyes and points] How bout this guy!”

T.J. Jones should be ecstatic at being named a top 50 WR for next season.

But hey, if the Saban method is what it takes to keep ND relevant, I fully support Swarbrick in his covert ops. After all, he even infiltrated the BCS Comissioners! Props!


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